Cr-Apple

"A good friend of mine one described buying and using an apple product similar to eating very expensive shit."

I'm currently sitting here; in college, on my laptop, wearing festival wristbands and high-top shoes. Reasons I'm not a hipster I hear you call? Because I don't own an any Apple products. Occasionally I'll walk past a cafe in town, and smell the warm scent of coffee, before it quickly turns into a bitter, fowl taste in my mouth, when I see the hordes of hipsters with there iPads drinking their over-priced [and over-named] coffees. 

JUST GET A LATTE, IT'S NOT THAT HARD‽

[Note the use of the interrobang]

Reasons why I hate Apple [or just Steve jobs in general, bastard.] Apple is the number one exploiter of the public by using a brand label to significantly increase prices for relatively simple pieces of hardware, and to some extent, software. 

My favourite example of the above is this little piece of kit here... 

..this is the 'Twelve South BookArc Desktop Stand'. This, is purely and simply a stand that elevates a macbook off the desk by a good, 2-3 inches. It's a useful idea, it would probably work very well and provide a damned near stunning 2-3 inches of room below the white behind of the macbook. But is it really worth $49.95?

I think that's a hideous price to pay and I think Steve Jobs should be shot, and spend less money on glass windows for his Apple stores and decrease the prices of his technology.

Power adapter: $79

Wireless Keyboard: $69

iPod earphones: $29

Now, let me clarify. If you do a lot of media editing then by all means, get a mac. I'm not doubting the capabilities of the hardware or software. But don't pay the extortionate prices for simple things just because they have a stupid grey apple printed on the buttocks of a plug.

However, a rare thing here on DubiousRants...

I think iPods are great, over-priced, but with the competition on the market being so useless, I firmly agree. They're the more reliable, accessible and appear in so many ways for people to fit them into their daily lives.

However, Steve Jobs has a secondary master plan. The Inferiority Scheme. In simpler terms...

HERE IS THE NEW IPOD! OMG NO WAY THIS ONE IS INVISIBLE!!

I think that by now, Apple developers have probably created something that'll solve world hunger and cure AIDS, but until someone else releases these things, they wont bother. In order to stay in permanent competition. The iPod, good portable music/video/app device. Then the iPod nano came with it's camera. Then the video camera, then the touch got a camera.. etc etc. The second the prices begin to become too expensive for consumers and sales go down, Steve Jobs cracks the whip and gets a new feature and the prices sky-rocket again.

I'm not a hipster, I don't like Apple, I don't like Steve Jobs, I'll never think differently or join the revolution. Fuck you Steve Jobs, go and have another game of slaps with Bill Gates.

What DoTube?

'Trying to watch, upload or even comment on a video hosted by YouTube whilst avoiding the mass of flaming Asians has become a less enjoyable experience than removing several hundred plasters from a very hairy back, of a man, who you've never met, who most likely has tapeworms.'

 I find it unbearable that despite the fact that any video I watch on YouTube has a distinctly unrelated argument below. I'm not sure what YouTube does to people but I swear it can't be good for long term mental health. Blacks become racist, gays become homophobes and children become warped. 

The battlefield of the comments section has always been a adventurous move, but if you do brave it, you're risking finding yourself falling victim to cyber-bullying nerd-rage. Nerd-rage is possibly the most terrifying ordeal to deal with. I for one found it remarkably scary having at least 10 Asian people commenting on my YouTube channel because I said I didn't like the way someone dressed in a video. Granted he was doing a video on how to style yourself, but that's besides the point.

Another point that I need to make is this wave of 'vloggers' that have swamped up across the most popular video streaming website in history. I don't fully understand the reason for people to have to watch annoying people, talking too fast, and having too many retarded edits in a video, just so they can save themselves the effort of searching for some actual humourous material on the internet. The main culprit? 

Ray William Johnson.

This man has single handedly ruined YouTube for me. He unearths the most useless an unentertaining videos from the deepest piles of faeces he can find and claims rights to any remains of used laughter there may be remaining in it's lifeless corpse. Worst of all, he actually gets praised for this, and earns money. It makes me want to just smash my head open on a concrete slab. 

Not to single anybody out, let me clarify that ALL video bloggers are desperately lonely. This may seem a little hypocritical coming from myself, but let me point out that I write all this myself, and don't take any credit for it.

So let me thank all of you opinionated, uneducated, mindless, unfunny pricks that can't help themselves from voicing an opinion that nobody cares about, and taking credit for an event which they did not participate in, for making youtube more bitterly painful than removing shards of glass from under my fingernails with a shoe.

Oh yeah, and..

THUMZ UP IF YOU LIEK THIS VIDEEO KTHNX.

Morons.